Hi...
This is extremely awkward. I never know how to start writing. So I'll do what any normal human being would do and introduce myself.
I'm a teen, female, and Asian. Before I continue, I just have to add that this is not an online dating relationship profile, as much as it may seem. I do not accept dirty messages of any kind unless you're a sexy exotic-looking millionaire. Of course, I'm just joking (insert wink here). No, I'm really joking.
Now where was I? Right. Introducing myself. I come from a typical family -- I live with my two sisters, my mother and father, and my grandma. I don't have pets. Pretty normal, if I do say so myself.. well, sometimes that is. You see, we do have our strange and odd moments. And that's why I'm here: to inform people and to spread the word about how crazy Chinese families live (not that it's very important, but I'm going to do it anyway).
And without further ado, here goes my first installment.
Today it was hot (and no, cousin -- if you're reading it -- it's not because you're here). I slept at 7am and woke up at 4 pm. And as I've said many times before you don't want to know why (let's just say that it's my little secret). I walked upstairs( I live in the basement). The TV was on, as always. I don't really remember what was on, but it was probably the family channel with Hannah Montana or something like it. That's not really my thing, but it's more like one of my younger sister's guilty pleasures. Sometimes I wonder if she secretly puts on a Hannah Montana wig and dances while listening to Can't be Tamed. I really hope she's not reading this right now, because I'd be stuffed in the garbage, or tortured painfully with a knife until I agree to pay her fifty bucks.
Well, continuing on, I went into the kitchen and uncovered a plate of steamed fish. Part of its body was cut off leaving only the head and tail. Apparently I was supposed to eat it. And I did. I know, I know, it's gross, but what else am I supposed to do? I was hungry. And if my granny ever caught me throwing it away, I'd be smacked across the face with a pair of chopsticks. Then I just sat there mindlessly with my cousin, who's visiting for the summer, and my sister, watching a bunch of Disney actors do their thing on TV.
Fast forward a few hours.
While we were watching a few music videos online, my cousin and sister started questioning about my future. My parents think I'm going to end up like Bill Gates, but my younger sister thinks I'm going to end up more like a broke hobo who lives in her parent's basement alone. I have to say that I agree with my sister. She hit that thing on the head dead on. But that's not really what we talked about. It was more about love lives -- mostly on my younger sister's love life.
You see, my cousin, older sister and I are really overprotective of my younger sister, depending on the topic. I do feel sorry for whoever my younger sister's boyfriend is because then he'd have to face the wrath of my older sister, cousin and especially me. Sometimes I wonder if we're all just doing this because our own love lives suck. Then again, I'd rather just say that it's more of a natural thing. Well, my younger sister, being the brat that she is, decided to tease me a bit about mine. Being the sensitive smock that I am, I got all embarrassed and threw a wet tissue at her. And being the totally great and accurate tissue-thrower I am, it smacked her right in the forehead.
It doesn't end here. All three of us -- my sister, cousin and I -- began to have a wet tissue fight. The rules were pretty simple. Just hit people randomly with wads of wet tissue. My sister, of course, has the greatest strategies ever. I'll share some with you.
1. Make a lot of noises to confuse your victim.
My sister used this strategy first. She ran around the living room squealing like a hungry pig while chasing us down. Very effective. I was rendered extremely disoriented and dizzy from her squealing and got hit in the face with a couple wet tissues.
2. Make a hideous face and scare the crap out of your victim.
This is less effective, but works. She made a face that looked like a pig painted with clown make-up, causing me to cringe and cower in the corner. I was smothered with wet tissues all over my face.
We continued to have this tissue fight for a while, while running and screaming like banshees. Stupid, very stupid, but fun.
Then my sister decided to put on The Haunting. I have to admit that I'm a horror fan. I love things about horror, except I always end up being the only one screaming her ass off. I'm very fun at theaters. My voice overpowers the whole crowd. That was all good, until my sister decided that we should go out. It was late, very late. But, being the kind, nice, caring older sister, I went anyways.
While we were walking, I kept thinking that some creepy psycho killer was going to come out and kill us all. Luckily my cousin's crunking scared them off. I also think it's also the fist pumping (something he learned from Jersey Shore) that scared him off. After all, when you see some chinese guy waving his fist in the air, you know you should stay away (especially if you don't want to look like you're his acquaintance). I'm joking of course. His fist pumping is too high a level to be confronted.
Anyways, we bought a few snacks. The cashier charged me extra without me knowing until I went home. Then, while I was on the computer with my cousin, my older sister ran down screaming (we scream a lot) and she was telling me about seeing some shadow come out of her room. Now, I tried to console her, but I kept thinking of that psycho killer.
A bug fell from the ceiling, and being a coward, I screamed and nearly tripped over my chair trying to get away. The big was the size of a piece of dust. My grandma got rid of it, all while calling me a bunch of rude Chinese curses (my parents tell me that she really loves me).
Sometimes I wonder what she really feels about me. Oh well. We'll save that for another day.
This is extremely awkward. I never know how to start writing. So I'll do what any normal human being would do and introduce myself.
I'm a teen, female, and Asian. Before I continue, I just have to add that this is not an online dating relationship profile, as much as it may seem. I do not accept dirty messages of any kind unless you're a sexy exotic-looking millionaire. Of course, I'm just joking (insert wink here). No, I'm really joking.
Now where was I? Right. Introducing myself. I come from a typical family -- I live with my two sisters, my mother and father, and my grandma. I don't have pets. Pretty normal, if I do say so myself.. well, sometimes that is. You see, we do have our strange and odd moments. And that's why I'm here: to inform people and to spread the word about how crazy Chinese families live (not that it's very important, but I'm going to do it anyway).
And without further ado, here goes my first installment.
Today it was hot (and no, cousin -- if you're reading it -- it's not because you're here). I slept at 7am and woke up at 4 pm. And as I've said many times before you don't want to know why (let's just say that it's my little secret). I walked upstairs( I live in the basement). The TV was on, as always. I don't really remember what was on, but it was probably the family channel with Hannah Montana or something like it. That's not really my thing, but it's more like one of my younger sister's guilty pleasures. Sometimes I wonder if she secretly puts on a Hannah Montana wig and dances while listening to Can't be Tamed. I really hope she's not reading this right now, because I'd be stuffed in the garbage, or tortured painfully with a knife until I agree to pay her fifty bucks.
Well, continuing on, I went into the kitchen and uncovered a plate of steamed fish. Part of its body was cut off leaving only the head and tail. Apparently I was supposed to eat it. And I did. I know, I know, it's gross, but what else am I supposed to do? I was hungry. And if my granny ever caught me throwing it away, I'd be smacked across the face with a pair of chopsticks. Then I just sat there mindlessly with my cousin, who's visiting for the summer, and my sister, watching a bunch of Disney actors do their thing on TV.
Fast forward a few hours.
While we were watching a few music videos online, my cousin and sister started questioning about my future. My parents think I'm going to end up like Bill Gates, but my younger sister thinks I'm going to end up more like a broke hobo who lives in her parent's basement alone. I have to say that I agree with my sister. She hit that thing on the head dead on. But that's not really what we talked about. It was more about love lives -- mostly on my younger sister's love life.
You see, my cousin, older sister and I are really overprotective of my younger sister, depending on the topic. I do feel sorry for whoever my younger sister's boyfriend is because then he'd have to face the wrath of my older sister, cousin and especially me. Sometimes I wonder if we're all just doing this because our own love lives suck. Then again, I'd rather just say that it's more of a natural thing. Well, my younger sister, being the brat that she is, decided to tease me a bit about mine. Being the sensitive smock that I am, I got all embarrassed and threw a wet tissue at her. And being the totally great and accurate tissue-thrower I am, it smacked her right in the forehead.
It doesn't end here. All three of us -- my sister, cousin and I -- began to have a wet tissue fight. The rules were pretty simple. Just hit people randomly with wads of wet tissue. My sister, of course, has the greatest strategies ever. I'll share some with you.
1. Make a lot of noises to confuse your victim.
My sister used this strategy first. She ran around the living room squealing like a hungry pig while chasing us down. Very effective. I was rendered extremely disoriented and dizzy from her squealing and got hit in the face with a couple wet tissues.
2. Make a hideous face and scare the crap out of your victim.
This is less effective, but works. She made a face that looked like a pig painted with clown make-up, causing me to cringe and cower in the corner. I was smothered with wet tissues all over my face.
We continued to have this tissue fight for a while, while running and screaming like banshees. Stupid, very stupid, but fun.
Then my sister decided to put on The Haunting. I have to admit that I'm a horror fan. I love things about horror, except I always end up being the only one screaming her ass off. I'm very fun at theaters. My voice overpowers the whole crowd. That was all good, until my sister decided that we should go out. It was late, very late. But, being the kind, nice, caring older sister, I went anyways.
While we were walking, I kept thinking that some creepy psycho killer was going to come out and kill us all. Luckily my cousin's crunking scared them off. I also think it's also the fist pumping (something he learned from Jersey Shore) that scared him off. After all, when you see some chinese guy waving his fist in the air, you know you should stay away (especially if you don't want to look like you're his acquaintance). I'm joking of course. His fist pumping is too high a level to be confronted.
Anyways, we bought a few snacks. The cashier charged me extra without me knowing until I went home. Then, while I was on the computer with my cousin, my older sister ran down screaming (we scream a lot) and she was telling me about seeing some shadow come out of her room. Now, I tried to console her, but I kept thinking of that psycho killer.
A bug fell from the ceiling, and being a coward, I screamed and nearly tripped over my chair trying to get away. The big was the size of a piece of dust. My grandma got rid of it, all while calling me a bunch of rude Chinese curses (my parents tell me that she really loves me).
Sometimes I wonder what she really feels about me. Oh well. We'll save that for another day.
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